Have you ever been absolutely convinced that you’re a weirdo? Some aspect of your personality or your interests is just out there. You know that if someone found out about it, they would most likely rethink their relationship with you. Potential romantic partners would run for the hills.
Guess what, everyone does.
That’s not to say that some people aren’t a little farther out there than others, but everyone has their strangeness.
Normal is an illusion.
It can be difficult to see that from inside the Matrix though. You look around and see all these normal people doing normal things. Society tells you what you’re supposed to like and think, how you’re supposed to fall in love, and when you’re supposed to feel things. We worry about deviating from “the rules” so much that we miss the obvious.
Everyone else is worrying about the same thing.
The people you’re worried about judging you are likely worried about you judging them.
Not everyone is meant to be in your life.
It’s a hard thing to accept when we really want certain people to be in our lives. But it’s not always a bad thing when we just don’t match up with someone and they move on.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t work on yourself and grow.
But some people just aren’t going to get you. Their path doesn’t intersect with yours no matter how close it gets. There’s always a median in the way. Some people walk with you for a time, but then their path goes a different direction.
That doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
The fastest way to find the people who sync with you is to be yourself. It’s also the scariest thing to do. Because when people move away from you, it feels like a judgment. It feels like we failed somehow.
Being yourself means that the people who vibrate on your frequency can find you.
It’s exhausting to hide and pretend to be someone else, to be normal. It’s also self-defeating and ultimately futile.
Most likely you can’t sustain it in the long term, and they find out who you are anyway. This can lead to more pain because if they walk away, you’ve had more time to develop deeper feelings.
The other option is you do sustain it long term, and you end up with significant psychological and emotional damage from twisting yourself into something you’re not. A lot of the time, this manifests separately and you end up unhappy anyway and the other person can tell.
They say anything that’s been thought of as porn already exists. Whatever you’re into, however you feel, there’s a community out there for you. There are people who will accept you for exactly who you are.
Why waste time with people who don’t?
Not being your people doesn’t make them a bad person either. It’s not a bad thing that anyone needs to take fault or apologize for. It’s like putting a puzzle together. Sometimes two pieces just don’t fit. It’s a neutral fact of life. Neither piece is guilty of anything.
It’s hard to accept ourselves. Insecurities are deeply rooted, and it seems like they grow more lush every minute at the expense of our sanity.
It’s doubly hard when we know that we don’t meet the definition we perceive of what’s normal.
The first step is recognizing that normal isn’t real.
You’re not a freak.
As long as everything is consensual with adults of sound mind where applicable, then give yourself some slack.
Accepting who we are is not a destination. It’s a journey that involves dealing with our insecurities every day. Conquering them permanently is not a reasonable thing to expect of yourself.
Choose to love yourself as often as you can. It gets easier over time. You’ll be able to make that choice more often as you practice, but you will have to keep making it every day.
We often have this idea that confidence is a state of being that is attained and then we can just live there. This isn’t true for the vast majority of us. People will say things that hurt. Our brains have been trained to think negatively. It’s tempting to go back to old ways of feeling.
We have to choose love. Choose ourselves over our insecurities. Choose yourself over your doubt.
You’ll stumble. You’ll have a bad day. That’s okay. You have another chance with the next choice to get back on your path.
It’s your path, nobody else’s. You can do this.
