We’re superheroes on behalf of others in a way we aren’t for ourselves.
Having anxiety is pervasive in our society today. We are so conditioned to be afraid of something, anything, everything. Whether it is insecurities about our appearance or going someplace new, we all have things we’re afraid to do.
What are we afraid of exactly? The opinions of others, getting lost, having to ask for assistance, failure. Something else?
One of the truisms of those of us who suffer from these kinds of general and specific anxiety loci is that our ability to do the thing is nonexistent for ourselves. But give us someone else who is afraid and suddenly we are like superheroes.
I can do the thing for someone else that I wouldn’t do for myself.
Why is that?
If you find this to be true about you, then you probably also have one or more of the following traits: mom/dad of your circle of friends, general helpfulness, someone people turn to for a friendly ear or advice.
These qualities are what spur us to action when the comfort of someone else is on the line. Our own comfort and fears matter less when helping another person, more so if it’s someone we care about.
We are willing to take risks on behalf of another that we would not take for ourselves.
The other side of that coin is the implicit devaluing of our own selves. Someone else is worth that effort, that risk, but we are not.
Is it that we value others more or ourselves less? Since most of us will do the things even for a complete stranger, clearly we ourselves fall below the baseline for caring.
We care less about our own comfort and future than we do about someone we’ve never met before and probably never will again.
Talking about how we will do the thing for others is something we may joke about or say casually, and others will agree. Hey, it’s so common that it must just be normal, right?
However, this easy idea hides that pervasive and persistent devaluing of self that infects us in so many ways. Not wanting to get up in the restaurant to go get more condiments because you have to cross the entire dining area and people will look at you is the same fear that prevents us from speaking up at work meetings and confronting someone that has wronged us.
We feel that we’re not important enough to inconvenience other people. We don’t want to be viewed negatively by them.
So I propose this. The next time you’re afraid of doing something that you absolutely know you would do if someone else needed, imagine that you are that someone else.
You are a friend in need of help. You’re nervous and afraid of opinions and censure, what would you do for that friend?
You’d do the thing.
So do it.
