We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies — it is the first law of nature. — Voltaire
What does it mean to be weak? Society tells us that we need to be strong always. That to be weak is bad and will lead to failure.
But what is weakness?
We are bombarded with messages about what it means to be strong and how lacking those makes us weak, but many are impossible to actually achieve. There are inconsistencies and conflicts.
If we can’t tell which of several conflicting paths is the right one, does that lack of perception or decisiveness make us weak?
After yet another breakdown because I felt weak and useless, I decided to take on this notion. What did I think being weak actually meant? How did I know that I was weak? What scale was I using to measure?
The reality was that I didn’t actually know. Not in a concrete sense. All I had was this vague notion that if I wasn’t actively being successful and achieving goals and conquering obstacles, that I wasn’t reaching my potential. I was falling short.
If I wasn’t happy and content and confident, then I was showing a lack of character, getting trapped in negative emotions, and letting myself get bogged down. Falling short again. Wasting my time in depression and anxiety loops.
Strength was living the dream and taking no prisoners. Anything less was…
Weakness
So I made some decisions.
I define what weakness is.
I will be deciding for myself if something is weakness or not, if I am weak or not. Not society, not social media, not anyone else. Me.
Just because I am not achieving every single thing at every single moment doesn’t mean that I am weak somehow.
I am human.
Humans need rest. Humans need to feel emotions. Humans need to have ups and downs. It is part of the experience.
I am imperfect.
I am not going to seize every opportunity that comes my way. Sometimes I am going to be too busy. Sometimes I am depressed, and getting out of bed to eat food will be a victory over the odds. That’s okay.
Some of the things that are considered weakness are crying, showing emotion, sharing what you value, relying on others, and caring about others.
Those are all part of the human condition. Without them, we are cold and alone. How does that make us stronger?
I decided that they are not weaknesses.
I am going to be hurt. But being hurt does not make me weak.
I am going to lose. But losing people and things does not make me weak.
I am going to fail. But failing does not make me weak.
Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. — Karamo Brown
Weakness is a state of mind.
Some days I will be bad place. Something happens and I am feeling my feels about it. Sometimes I will feel weak. Like I could or should have done something else to change the outcome I am living. Not being able to do that different thing will make me feel weak, like I failed.
Other times, that kind of situation will feel like a lesson. Okay, that didn’t go as I would have liked, but I’ll know for next time.
Same situation, different feeling.
There is no equation for being weak or feeling weak. In a comparative sense, yeah, I am weaker than Hodor. That guy is ridiculously strong, and I am very much not.
But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
It doesn’t make me lesser to be physically weaker than a guy who could bench multiple of me. I am weaker, but I don’t have to feel weak.
It isn’t weakness to be weaker than someone else. It simply is.
What something is and how I feel about it are two different animals entirely.
Weakness is not part of a binary state
I am not weak or strong. I am both, all the time. It depends on the spectrum I am placing myself on.
As noted, I am physically weaker than Hodor. However, I am physically stronger than my kindergarten-age niece.
I, as a person, am neither strong nor weak.
It is easy to use absolute thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, to extrapolate a feeling of weakness due to a setback to mean that we as a whole person are weak. And usually useless, worthless, etc.
But I decided that I am not going to look at weakness as one half of a binary state. I don’t have to choose between being weak or strong. Especially not where anything less than total strength in every aspect automatically pushes me into the “weak” category.
Weakness is temporary.
I may be in a weak position in this specific situation now. I may feel weak because of these circumstances that happened.
It isn’t going to last forever.
Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness. — Jean Vanier
I can learn what I didn’t know. I can work out more. I can take a lesson from what happened so I’ll know better next time. I can utilize counseling to deal with what I’m feeling and untangle some of the challenges I face. I can go to a doctor to get a better handle on my physical health.
I can become mentally, emotionally, and/or physically stronger.
I can also simply decide to view the situation differently. Sometimes the only thing that makes me weak in a scenario is how I am viewing it and my place in it.
Sometimes my expectations are too high or my too outlandish.
Sometimes it is an opportunity to grow.
Weakness doesn’t make me a bad person.
Weakness can be an absolute sign that I am a terrible person who is just going to be a failure and sad forever. Or it can be a point of growth.
Feeling weak can give me a sign of where I need to spend more time and effort to improve myself. Maybe that sign comes after I have lost something or been made the butt of a joke.
But I can still choose to grow from that situation rather than get stuck in how weak and powerless I feel.
I can honor those feelings of weakness while focusing on the future.
Some things we consider weakness are bad.
Not being able to think for oneself. Relying on superstition and rumor instead of knowledge and facts. Treating people badly because it is easier to be afraid of their differences than to meet them and see their commonalities.
These are weaknesses that must be the start of growth. There are ways that I am ignorant and hurtful. But I decide that these things, though bad in and of themselves, do not have to make me a bad person. I can choose to learn from them and become better.
I always try to see my weakness, work on it, to be better as a person and a player, everything. — Mohamed Salah
I am imperfect, and thus will always find weaknesses within me. But they show me where I need to learn. Where I need to do better.
Having weaknesses or being weak in a moment doesn’t make me a bad person. Choosing to continue hurting others instead of facing those weaknesses is another matter entirely.
The core of weakness is a feeling that we are out of control. We no longer have any control over ourselves or the situation by having been proven weaker. We are helpless to forces around us and are simply swept away.
There is temptation in that because it also promises to take away our responsibility. We cannot be held to account for our actions if that is simply the way things are done and we go along with it.
By making these decisions, I put myself back in control of my emotional wellbeing, my mental stability, and my physical health.
Being in control is scary. I am responsible for what I do. I am making my own choices. I may fail.
I may be weak right now, today, but I don’t always have to be.
You can make these kinds of decisions for yourself also. The only person we truly have any control over is ourselves. You can decide what weakness means to you and how you will respond to those feelings when they come.
