The thing I wanted
I am a fire spinner. Also called fire dancing, flow arts, and who knows what else, basically I move my body while manipulating an object. I can do this while part of that object is on fire.
I primarily focus on manipulating a sword.
This is not a common prop. In the flow arts community, the objects we manipulate are collectively called props.
I am pretty much entirely self-taught. While there are many festivals around the country that include classes on a variety of props, sword classes are extremely rare.
I decided that I have something to offer. I could teach sword. I wanted to spread knowledge of my chosen prop and encourage others to choose it.
So I applied to teach sword classes at three festivals this year.
Getting what I wanted
I received an email today confirming my acceptance to teach at one of the festivals I applied to. Still waiting on the other two.
I’ll be teaching two different classes. One is a basic introduction to sword. The other is a more intermediate class about switching the sword from one hand to the other while spinning with it.
I knew word would be coming soon, but it was still a surprise to get the first email back.
More stress
I was accepted. This is a good thing, right?
Yes, but now I actually have to do it.
Applying to teach was speculative. While I was waiting for a decision, it wasn’t real yet. Now it is a concrete part of my future.
I’m teaching sword at a festival this year.
I need to refine my class outline. I need to practice teaching. I need to work on my explanations and demonstrations. I need to have multiple ways of explaining movements prepared.
I need to prepare on a level I haven’t been.
For someone like me, someone with anxiety, this is where the stress actually begins. What if I’m bad at it? What if nobody comes to my class? What if people come and they hate it? What if I’m not ready?
What am I going to do?
Step 1: Get preparing. I have class notes, but now is the time to pull them out and go over them. I need to practice explaining the moves out loud. Break down how I’m going to demonstrate the moves. Go through the whole class.
I will be looking for people to practice teaching with. The more real-life practice I can get, the better.
I’ll also make videos of myself explaining the moves so I can solicit feedback from experienced teachers that I know.
Step 2: Mentally prepare myself. This will be my first time teaching at a festival. Mistakes are inevitable. I’m going to be bad at it because I am new.
I can accept that and prepare to get better. It’s about getting feedback and improving my technique. Expecting to be as good as the experienced teachers I know is unreasonable and just setting myself up for disappointment.
Ever Onward
This is a great opportunity to grow. Growth is scary. Accepting that we’re going to be awful at first and that’s going to be frustrating, but we will get better if we put the work and effort in.
I’m reaching outside my comfort zone. I can do this.
